Thoughts on Leaving Africa

I just did a quick photoshoot of myself packing.

I should be packing. I really should be packing. Or doing something equally beneficial. But I just end up sitting on the floor amidst piles of clothing and other potential necessities staring into space. (Besides, it's almost traditional in this household to leave packing to the last minute.)

I don't really even think about anything, sitting here. It's a daze, like waiting to die, except that I'm not dying. I'm just leaving. Leaving. There must be a small death in that.

 Leaving is a weird feeling. When you finally make the decision, book the flights, you are ecstatic. It is so exciting! But the closer you get to the actual time of departure, the more unsure you become. The conversation topics become narrowed down to questions and statements like "How are you feeling?" "It must be so sad/cool/interesting/bizarre to be leaving" "We're gonna miss you so much!" "Oh, we're just gonna move on with our lives like you never existed." (I hope you were joking, dear person.)

Oh right, for those of you who don't know, after nearly ten years in South Africa, and 17 years living 'overseas', I am moving back to Finland to study.

I went and had a power nap to give you a moment to get through your flummoxed "Nooo" and "whaaat?" and "oh my goodness!" exclamations.
     
So, I want you to know it was not a spur of the moment decision, even though you may not have heard about it personally. At the moment it looks like I'll be doing the entrance exams for English and Social Psychology for the University of Helsinki, I also applied and have yet to hear back from a movie screenwriting course at Aalto University. Exciting stuff ^_^  For interest (and an attempt to bat further repetitive questions) I present;

The Support Going To Finland List! 

1. Once you get in, it's free.
2. If you're a student, you also get other nice discounts on stuff like public transport and housing.
3. The University of Helsinki is in the top 150 universities of the world, and Helsinki has won the Most Livable City award (hehe, that's not actually a serious pro, just thought it was interesting.)
4. It's in Europe! Travel for days ^_^ 
5. I haven't lived in Finland since I was seven, and my language skills as well as general Finland knowledge  will probably die off permanently if I don't go 'back to my roots' soon. Considering pro's 1-4, this sounds like the opportune moment to go over there. 

And then for interest sake,
The Against Going To Finland List (and the reasonings these reasonings are not as good as the previous ones.)

1. South Africa is Awesome! (Though then again my parents are staying here in Cape Town so coming back to visit will be that bit easier (as soon as they miss me they'll pay for a flight ticket muah hah haa.))
2. I'm going to miss everyone :'( consider point 1. I'll be back.)
3. UCT is very legitimate too. (And super expensive. UH and UCT are part of the same university exchange program, so technically, if I get in to UH, I can come to UCT on exchange, paying the Finnish fees... Which if you remember the previous list, is pretty much nothing at all.) 
4. Fomo.

 Thankfully I've grown out of my hectic FOMO stage, and I know I'm going to be starting a lot of exciting new adventures over there, but I can't help feel a bit sad for what I am leaving behind. Especially at this in between moment of retrospective procrastination I'm realizing how life will carry on without me, how my roles here may be taken over by other people. Once I get to Finland I know I'll be happy and have new roles to take on and life to be a part of, but leaving here, or anywhere for that matter, is always sad.

I don't know what else I want to say about this.

Except that I bought a book of Bible promises and it's reassuring when I feel kind of lost. This verse I read earlier today is from 2 Corinthians 4,18 (NLT)

"We don't look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever."

So yeah, deciding and moving by myself to a country I only visit for summer holidays is kind of exhilaratingly jittery. Writing entrance exams in the first weeks after arrival and only hearing about the potential third one once I do arrive is kind of mildly unnerving. Having two days left in South Africa and Life As I Know It is kind of freaking scary.

But I have peace. I know God will never leave me, and crazily enough in the greater scheme of things, it doesn't matter which course I get into or even what continent I am on. And when I say "doesn't matter" I mean it in the sense that I don't have to worry about them, because God is the one who guides me through it all. My new motto is; "I will do my best and let God take care of the rest." (I know, it even rhymes. Yes I came up with it myself.)

Also when I focus on the "unseen things" which never fade away it puts life into perspective. Am I living for God, bringing Him glory in what I do? Am I loving people, serving them like Jesus would? Is my heart right with God, am I walking with him daily? Can others see that in my life? Those are the important life making questions we all need to look at and make decisions on every day. That's what Jesus is talking about in Matthew 6,  when he tells them not to worry. "Seek first my kingdom and all these things will be added to you as well." When we are focusing on him instead of earthly things, we are in the right mindset to take on anything that comes our way.

That is what I find the most amazing thing about having a relationship with God.He doesn't promise life will be easy, but He does say that He is always with me and He is leading me on a good path. Even if it doesn't look like it to me all the time, He works all things out for the good of those who trust in Him. I can stand with confidence, knowing He always has my back and I don't have to be afraid. There is even a verse in the Bible that says we can look ahead and laugh at the days to come!
The Bible is full of promises God makes us. Here's a final really cool one;

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.   (Joshua 1.9)

Being in a relationship with God makes me excited to do scary things, because it means that I have to rely on him even more, and can see his power working in bigger, crazier things. Knowing God is with me makes me excited to go ahead on this new journey in life towards Finland. :)

Whether it is God's plan that I get into screenwriting, or social psychology, or end up doing something totally different once I get there, I will follow Him because I am certain He loves me and I will use whichever opportunity arises to show that I love Him too.

What are your eyes fixed on?

Who is the Life of Your Party?

Hey Everyone!

I am officially Seventeen! Most people don't believe me, but it's all cool. But I think the older you get, the more insignificant the change is. I was at my neighbors birthday party and we calculated that as he turned 3, his age just increased by 50 percent. My age increased by about 6.3 percent. By the time you turn 100 (if you do) your age would be increasing by a mere 1 percent! Of course it is good that it works this way and not vice versa, imagine if when you turned 30 your age would increase by 50 percent, you would actually turn 45! Confusing and a bummer hey.. :)

Now that we are over that mathematical fun fact about birthdays, I can get to the major theme that everyone looks forward to at the special time of year, at least I do. I get overly excited, actually. The Birthday PARTY. Obviously. My mom has long ago handed over the organising of family parties to me, she makes the food, and I plan the rest. And I love it! I think it was at my 11th party that I made the first official treasure hunt on my own. Half of the clues had blown away by the time we were starting so I stationed my siblings in the places where the clues had disappeared from and made them repeat the clues like parrots. Big families are useful for this kind of things, although it may have worked better if they would have remembered the clues! 

But since that party I dare say my game choices have been adapted to the windy climate of the observatory and the quality of the activities has improved. I went on to have an Amazing race party one year, a survivor slash pool party and even this 'mixed up dinner party' where people ordered numbers off the menu and had no idea what food they would get! 

 Every year the guest list get longer, the happenings get more elaborate, and expectations became higher for both me and my friends. These all bring me to this year. Suddenly I didn't feel that amped 'it is party planning time' feeling that usually comes as soon as one party is finished. I was daunted by the fact that I was supposed to come up with yet another get together. What if people wouldn't enjoy it? I was severely stressed out about what used to be the highlight of my year. (of course some of you don't appreciate this kind of stressing over planning and prefer to just take it as it comes, but I plan my parties okay? and the planning usually helps!)

Enter my mom. I think moms are seriously under rated these days, lets stop and think about this for a second before I carry on. All that stuff she goes through for you, cooks, cleans, drives, stays up late waiting for you to come home, then listens to your problems even when she has a million of her own. Impressive! This generation has some big shoes to fill... :) Anyways, so my mom comes into the picture. Basically I was busy venting out all my 'my party is going to fail, no one's coming everything is going wrong' teenage whining thing to her and she just turns around and says ' Rebekka, who is the one who will make this party succeed; you or God? God is going to bring the people he wants to bring to your party, and he will make it work. Leave it to Him.'  

  

I found Deuteronomy 8.17-18 -->

 You may say to yourself, "My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me." But remember the LORD your God, for it is He who gives you the ability to produce wealth.

Wow. Reality check. 

I was looking at my party like meMEmeMEmeMEmeME. But Christ is in me. I was made alive in Him. It is intriguing how something so seemingly secular as a birthday party, can have God's hand in it, and be used to glorify Him! I had not thought about my party in that light, at all. But now that I did, I could feel all the stress and pressure lift off me. And everytime something made me start feeling anxious, I could stop and say ' God, you take this from me, I trust you.' 

I stopped worrying about the party, and guess what? It was the best seventeenth party I have ever been at. There was enough food, enough games, enough chilling, enough friends... it was perfect. The 'vibe' was amazing, when my mom blessed the braai meat before we ate there was this unity in spirit, its hard to explain.. But I couldn't stop smiling and I felt so happy. I think everyone enjoyed it immensely, at least that is what i gathered from the feedback I got! People were blessed by the party, and the conversations and games impacted everyone. A birthday party! God is interested in the most peculiar things, because we are interested in them.

When the last person left past midnight I sat down in my room and thought about the evening. This joyous feeling came over me, and I just knew- 'That was all God.'

He is awesome.

*I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.*  galatians 2:20

:)

Place - World. Status - Ended. Wait What?

 ( In case you are interested my Finland holiday has been filled with fun and friends and berry picking and swimming... all together extremely enjoyable, but I am looking forward to returning to Cape Town next week! :)

With the doomsday 'prophesy' earlier this year and the Mayan Calendar's ending in 2012 there has been a lot of talk lately about the 'End of the World' (que mystic oohing here) Us being in mortal bodies gives us a weird fascination and healthy fear of death, doesn't it? What if I randomly up and died today? What if the world suddenly ended tomorrow (and I never got to tell that dude that I had a crush on him!? :)

Well, firstly I am happy to say that if you did happen to die today, or the world ended tomorrow, and you have accepted Christ as your Saviour, then your immortal soul would get to live on forever in heaven! Gives a bit of a plus to dying! ;) But also, about the end of the world, the bible says that  "No one knows when that day or hour will come-not the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father," matthew 24.36. We don't have to worry about people's guesses. The 2012 end of the world catastrophe philosophy sprung from the Mayan calendar ending on that day, and we are all still here eventhough its way past the 21st of May, as well as the year 2000, when all technology was supposed to collapse etc.

God may have a funny sense of humor and Judgment Day could end up on December 21 2012, but only God knows that. No amount of  calculations will work. We are humans. But what we can do is be ready. Don't be like the stupid brides maids in Matthew 25.1-13 who were left out of the party. A common idealogy is that I will have fun while I am young and then once I am older I will think about this religion stuff.  But James 4.14 gives us a bit of perspective.

' How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog--it's here a little while, then it's gone. '

Accept Jesus while there is still time. He may come back in 2012, he may come in thirty years time, but he may also come tomorrow. Will you be ready?

Seek the Lord while you can find him. Call on him now while he is near. Isaiah 55.6

I don't know when the end is coming, but I will stay ready and I hope when the trumpets blow and the King above all kings returns you will be ready too. :) Then we will have the time of our lives in heaven for eternity and beyond!

Ps. God knows how many hairs there are on your head, he loves you and wants the best for you, if you trust in him with all your heart he will direct your path and guard you from evil.     proverbs 3.5 (:

Stress-free Soaring

Phil 4.6

Good Morning! =D

Lately I have been super busy with school work, grade eleven seems to try suck out every drop of energy I have and then some more. I wasn't expecting it, but I guess it makes sense that grade 11 is harder than grade ten... The book of Isaiah, even though it seems like a hard to read or understand kind of book, has some really good insights. One of my favorite verses is from Isaiah 40, verse 31.

' But Those who place their trust in the Lord will gain new strength. They will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not grow faint.' 

This verse stopped me in my tracks. I was in a place where I was physically worn out with the busyness of my life, (and no, I'm not a forty something in a midlife crisis though that's a bit what it sounds like, high school is stressful too!) I realized that I don't have to do this alone when I have Jesus by my side. He is there to help me along, he doesn't want to stand by and watch, he wants to participate.

It suddenly struck me how God was right there, just waiting for me to fall into his arms so he could carry me the rest of the way. Now any time when I feel stressed or worn out, I take out my bible and read that verse again. I can give all my worries to God, and let him iron out my problems (I have this cute card that has one of those super wrinkly puppies and it has that sentence on it. A clever visual pun. ;)  

I love being a Christian, because I know there is someone who loves me more than I could ever imagine. He also cares about me and all my problems, even the itty bitty ones like the heritage project for history (I spent all day on that today btw)

‘I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.’ Philippians 4.13

(I find this verse easy to remember because it rhymes hehe :)

God loves you and wants to help you. You don’t have to carry on struggling by yourself, let him carry you. I did, and it was probably the best decision I ever made.